I've seen these terms tossed around the writing world quite a bit and am always curious about how different writers get their ideas down on paper. Lets talk about what I mean by these terms before we begin.

Panster - basically this just means you start writing and see where it leads you. There's not really a plan in place. Maybe you have a rough idea where you want to end up, and possibly a few key points in between, but the ultimate path is unknown to you.

Outliner - well, that's pretty self-explanatory. Basically you outline your story so that you know where you're going to go with it all. You figure out many of the twists, character arcs, plot timeline, etc before you start writing. There are many different ways to do this, but for this blogs purposes this is what we'll go by.

I am a big time pantster. I've tried on several occasions to outline a story. I tried with Kiss, but failed miserably. Honestly, having the outline drained my creative juices. I had to crumple it up and throw it away before I could write a single word. To ME, outlining feels like I'm trying to force the story, and I can't work that way. I am in complete awe of those who can outline and use it well. It just doesn't work for me.

Then again, I like writing from the hip. For example, when I was writing Kiss, I knew how it began, I knew a couple of key points, and then I knew the end. That's it. I didn't know how my MC got from point A to point B, let alone from Y to Z, I just knew she did. Sometimes that proved frustrating, but it ALWAYS comes to me, sooner or later.

Just the other day, I started writing a scene for Sacred (Kiss 2), and it started out one way, but half way through the scene changed and went in a totally different direction -- a better direction. My characters surprise me on a daily basis. I may go in thinking one thing, but then they say, 'Um, no, we aren't doing that today. This is how it goes...', and the silly thing is, I LISTEN! The characters are in charge, not me. Have you ever tried to go in a direction other than where your characters want to go? Yeah, no it doesn't work. At least not for me. I've tried in the past and almost immediately a mental block goes up. It's almost like they say, 'Hey, if you don't go where I want you to go then you can't see what else happens". It's craziness, I know.

So, I've learned to just do what they want. If I do, they let me see the right path. No one understands this mentality but other writers. I've tried to tell my husband about it but he just looks at me like I've lost my mind (maybe I have?).

What's my point? I don't really know. I guess I'm just trying to say that whatever works for you to get your story down is the right way for you to write. As a 'pantster' I can't understand how people can write with an outline. There are probably some outliners who wonder how the heck we 'pantsters' keep everything on track (Psst...we don't always -- which is what revision is for! ;) ). Regardless of how you write best, keep it up! There is no wrong way, there is only the way that works for you.

On an unrelated note: GO GALAXY! WOOT!! (I'm a soccer geek -- love me some Beckham!)

Yesterday's post brought about a new world of possibilities for me as a blogger. I started this as a means to talk about my writing -- which I still plan to use it for by the way (oh, hush! You know you love it!) -- but, it's also fun to use as a place to post my observations. About what? Well, I guess that remains to be seen, but most likely will have nothing to do with anything important. Such as today's subject.

The CW. Oh, how I love it. Every show I've ever felt 'must see this show or I may die' about has been on the CW (aka the WB). I started my love affair with them when Dawson's Creek was on. Oh, how I loved that show. So much angst...*sigh*. I adore angst.

Now, I have grown up a bit in the years since Pacey made me swoon, but not as much as my husband probably would have liked. I still enjoy the mortification of the one boy you think you can't live without, rejecting you. But now, I enjoy it even more with a bite in the neck or some demons chasing you through an abandoned asylum. It's just better that way, don't you think? As if high school wasn't traumatic enough...

As I've stated multiple times before, my favs are The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural. Who can resist a tortured bloodsucker in love or a pair of sexy demon hunter brothers? Not I, not I. What I love most about the CW is that they will take a semi-serious show such as Supernatural, which is based on two brothers who hunt down monsters and ghosts, effectively saving the world on a daily basis (not to mention the obvious big deal of the apocalypse looming this season!) and they saturate it in gut busting humor. I swear, I laugh more while watching that show than I do in any show labeled a comedy. The writing is genius. Pure genius. Seriously, it is.

So my recommendation? Tune in on Thursday's and check out both The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural. I promise you won't be disappointed. You will find yourself being intrigued with and possibly even crushin' on Stefan, Damon, Dean and Sam. But just remember -- Sam is mine. I'm staking claim, right here and right now. (Get it? Staking? *snort*) ;)

Okay so I know what you're thinking, 'Hair? What does hair have to do with writing?". And my answer to that question would be -- absolutely nothing. Fo Shizzel. So why on EARTH would we talk about hair? Well, for two reasons. 1. Because I love it, and 2. Because this is my blog and I can talk about what I want, and today I want to discuss hair. And to add a third reason, because unless you'd like to hear me continue to gush over my newest project, this is where it's at!

Now, when I say I love hair, I mean GUYS hair. Not just plain old hair -- that'd be weird. Some would say I have a minor obsession with lovely locks, and they would be mostly right. Except that my obsession is not minor, it's like full blown crazy. You women know what I'm talking about -- remember the craziness surrounding Robert Pattinson cutting his gorgeous mop last spring? Yeah, see, I'm not the only one!

So, I ask myself, what is it about hair on men that make women go bonkers? Honestly, I haven't a clue. I just know it does. For me, long, messy, shaggy hair is where it's at.

Now first we must examine the god of crazy hair. I don't care if you think he's cute or not, you've GOT to appreciate the loveliness of that mop on his head, you just do:

Oh, Rob. Please don't ever change!

And then, we must look at my latest hair obsession:

I suck. Bring it on, I know it's true. You don't have to be nice about it.

I've abandoned you while chasing my own whims. I admit it. But if you can forgive me for my selfishness, I have some super bad*** news! I finished Kiss a.k.a Reaper's Kiss a.k.a Snatched last week!! Yes, I changed the name again, don't judge. And -- oh no, I'm not stopping yet -- I'm 17,000 words into it's sequel which I've named Sacred! YES! Go me! While Kiss is resting and waiting for revision, I'm going to continue on with Sacred.

I cannot begin to express how excited I am about this series. Even if it only stays between me, my couple beta readers and my hubby, I'm still going to be immensely proud. I have fallen head over heals for the characters and I'm having a blast getting to know them and telling their story. I've read writers blogs and interviews where they talk about how their characters talk to them. At first I was like 'what a bunch of crap!' -- until mine started doing the same thing to me. Sometimes they literally make me laugh out loud, sometimes they make me want to cry, and sometimes (like the other night) they make me so mad I stomp my foot like a little girl.

I even had someone mention to me recently how funny they thought it was that I talked about my characters like they were real people (you know who you are ;) ). I laughed because, honestly, that does sound kind of weird. But then it made me think ... is that not the norm? Am I totally losing my mind here? Because for me, those characters actually are sort of alive. They have their own personalities. They speak in ways I don't. They use language I would NEVER use sometimes. They do things I don't approve of, etc... But as we all know, they are a part of us, somewhere, somehow.

My husband tells me I'm an extremely passionate person (to a fault sometimes). I agree. When I write, I write in first person. I like getting right in that characters head and experiencing everything she experiences. When she cries, I cry. When she laughs, I laugh. When she falls in love, I fall in love, too. I can't help it. She is so ingrained in me that when I'm writing it's hard to separate where I end and she begins. We just sort of morph together.

I write a lot of raw emotion into my work. I'm not sure if that's good or bad -- probably subjective just like everything else in this business. My goal in this whole thing is to present a piece of work that will make you cry, laugh, and fall in love too. I want to provide a place you can escape from everyday doldroms and go back to a time when everything was new, exciting, and RAW. This is why I love YA. The emotion is so powerful, so real, so passionate. That's me in a nutshell. When I fall for someone, I fall HARD. When I want something, I want it bad. And what I want more than anything is to share my love for these characters, their story, and their emotion with others. Honestly, I don't think there is anything in the world better than creating characters and stories that make people feel deeply. Make people care. Make people fall in love with the people and world you've created as much as you have. I can't think of anything better.

Many writers use music as a way to inspire or stave off writer's block. I'm no different in that regard. When I wrote Mythic I had a playlist of around 20 songs on my i-pod that I played over and over and over as I wrote. Some scenes in my book actually revolved around one song in particular, for example: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday was a huge inspiration for one scene in particular, Everything by Lifehouse was for another. The other songs were ones that really just put me in the right frame of mind to get into the world and kept the creative juices flowing.

This time as I've been writing Reaper's Kiss, I've had a playlist, but I haven't used it as much. I'm not sure why? Maybe because the whole book has such a dark/sad undertone that most of the songs had a sad feel. But I wrote most of it without music -- maybe that's why it was a harder book to write? I have no idea.

There were a few scenes that certain songs played a big roll in. Sara Barielles' Gravity was a big help in writing one scene -- a very heartbreaking scene in my mind. *sniff*. But yesterday, I was writing a scene that was in essence a goodbye scene. I wanted it to be beautiful, passionate, and heartbreaking. I needed inspiration, and I found that inspiration in music  again. I found the perfect song that conveyed everything I wanted to say in the scene, and then some. I love it when that happens. When everything clicks into place and it all suddenly makes sense. It proved to me, once again, that music can be a huge driving force behind the creative process. I make a playlist for each book I write, containing songs that pertain specifically to the book itself and others that just helped keep me on track while writing. I think it's a really good idea for every writer to use what works for them to keep writing. Whatever that may be. 

So, in closing, I'll share the song that inspired me to write a very heartbreaking yet beautiful scene yesterday. The song still makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Powerful words, powerful message.

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If Today Was Your Last Day (Album Version) - Nickelback</div>

This is something that's been on my mind since I finished the last book of a series last night (the last book that' s out right now -- more to come!). I absolutely hate when books end leaving me feeling sad or angry. I really do. When I read the third and fourth installments of this particular series, I was so upset with the author for doing what she did to one of the characters. Actually, I was mad at the end of the second too, but not quite as much. Now, I'm all for an emotional experience when reading, in fact, I prefer it. But, I guess I'm just a sucker for a happy ending. No matter how much the character goes through, I want there to be a light at the end of that long, dark, dismal, tunnel. I don't like when that light just seems further and further away.

When it comes to romantic story lines, I want those characters to end up together -- no matter what. Most authors are very good at making their characters suffer to be together, or to make being together some sort of challenge. But in the end, I want them together. Period. In this series I'm reading, throughout the whole 1-3 books, these characters fight falling in love, and when that fails they fight being together, but finally, FINALLY in the 3rd book they get together. Only to have the MC's love interest sort of die in the next chapter. I say sort of because it's a vampire story and he gets turned. So I read on to the next book, hoping against hope that he'll be the 'good vampire'. That somehow he'll beat the odds and maintain his soul (like Angel!). But no, he's evil so of course SHE has to kill him -- but she fails. So now, we go into the 5th book with hope that she can somehow save him from being evil -- again.

What makes me so angry is that through 4 books, the MC has suffered, in one way or another, and now, she's supposed to kill the man she loves? Nuh uh, no fair! I have a feeling by the real end of the series things will end happily, but if they don't I'll seriously be steaming mad. I just don't like a sad ending. Real life is sad/hard enough that I want to read 'happily ever after'. Maybe that's sappy or stupid, but it's my preference. I want to read about people getting what they want in the end -- after all their struggles, why shouldn't they?

What is so funny about this whole issue is that in my WIP, the ending is not necessarily happy. Just in case it ever get's out there I'm not going to spoil it but, well, there it is. So, am I a hypocrit then? Maybe so, I don't know. Maybe I just know what's best for my characters in the end so it doesn't FEEL wrong to end that way? I can't really explain it or defend myself in any way. I like the ending, but I'm pretty sure some people won't. The more I think about it, even though my heart aches after reading that book yesterday, maybe that's the sign of a good story, a compelling story. Even though it made me sad and angry, it still made me leave feeling something. I guess that's the point. Maybe a sad ending isn't such a bad thing after all.

At the end of the tunnel that is! I see it, a tiny bright point growing larger as I approach it. It pulses in soft waves, drawing me closer and closer to the promise of warmth and relief. Yes, that end is sight. What end is that? The end of my rough draft of Reaper's Kiss of course! It has taken me a couple months to get this far, but I am really loving the process! This time, I honestly can't wait to dive into revisions. Really! I know, I know, I must be crazy. But I've really grown to love these characters. It wasn't a love at first 'sight' type of deal. I liked them all right but I wasn't 'in love'. It took time for them to grow on me, and if I am being honest, it's a much deeper, more real kind of love. Because of this profound love, I can't wait to go back and hear what else they have to add to the story -- I know there's more. I can feel it in my bones.

I'm one of those writers who allow the characters to direct the story. As I wrote Reaper's Kiss, I had no idea where the story was taking me. Honestly, it was kind of a scary way to write. With my last novel, I had sort of a mental outline of where the story was going. I knew most of the elements that got the characters where they were meant to go. I knew all their secrets and how those secrets would come out. It made writing the story much easier. But with Reaper, my characters kept me in the dark pretty much the whole time. No amount of begging got them to budge even a centimeter in their silence. They were just bent on making me suffer down to the last second. They slowly, but surely told their story in my head and I just typed it out.

Now, if I had my way, I'd be a bit more organized in my writing endevor, but unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be how I roll. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong withmy brain because it absolutely does NOT work in any sort of organized fashion. If I even attempt to outline, my mind shuts down -- I'm talking completely blank. Why is this I wonder? Is it because I'm just not an organized person (ask my husband. I'm sure you'd get an earfull). Or is it simply because if I try to force my characters to act a certain way they rebel? I'm thinking it's the latter. These characters are alive in my mind. For real. So much so that sometimes I fear my husband might think I'm having a mental breakdown.

For example: I don't swear, like, at all. I really don't. The worst thing I say is dang and I never say 'God' in any sort of vain way. But my character says 'Oh my God!' and the like all the time. Another character says certain non-vulgar swear words. I don't know how to explain to people (like my husband who looks at me incredulously when he sees my character swear) that it isn't me, it's the character. It makes me sound crazy to say, "That's how Zoe talks!". He doesn't get it. But as writers, we get it. As much as these characters are us in some way, they are also themselves. They speak the way they do. They act the way they do. We can't change that because if we try, it sounds wrong on the page. It glares out at us and says : "Really? You know d*** well I would never say this! What are you trying to do here?". At least that's what they say to me. But like I said, maybe I'm a little bit crazy here. ;)

Nah. I doubt it. I know lots of other writers and most of them will say the same thing. We're not really in control. The characters are. They let us know when we go astray, when we haven't been true to them. I'm kind of grateful for that, almost like I've got a partner in writing -- sort of. I love what I do, and I love telling these stories. It's just as much fun for me to discover their journey as it is for others to experience it through what I write. I truly hope that someday I can share these characters with a larger audience. That would be the ultimate dream come true -- for all of us. :D

Seriously, what is wrong with us women? Why do we insist on getting our panties in a bunch over bad boys? What is it that is so devastatingly attractive about them? Why does danger lure us in and ensnare us it is web? Think of some of the most loved male characters, the ones who have girls screaming, crying, and throwing themselves on the floor in shrieks of adoration. 99.9% of those characters are the epitome of badness (word?).

In writing my newest WIP, my male character is not necessarily a 'bad boy', but he's not really a 'good boy' either. He's drop-dead (pun intended) gorgeous, sarcastic and gruff -- who doesn't love that? His ability to be nasty is what makes me swoon at writing him.

Now let's talk about a new recently released title. I bought (yes on release day) Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzgerald. She has done an AMAZING job of making her male hero (or whatever he is because I haven't read far enough to know yet!!), Patch, just seep sexiness. How has she done this? By making him seem dangerous. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but oh, boy do we want to know. He's mysterious, dark, and provocative. You can't help but want more -- even though a small (or maybe large) part of you is a little afraid of him. Your heart starts thumping at just the mere mention of his name or the sly way he barely grins. It's magnificent. Really.

There is nothing I love more than a bad boy. It's a sickness, really. But just what is it about them that makes us crazy?

While Mythic is out trying to snag me an agent, I have been hard at work on my next novel (which I have talked about relentlessly lately). I'd stalled for awhile on this novel because it wasn't pouring out of me like Mythic did. I barely had to think about where I wanted Mythic to go, it knew and it led me along the way. With Reaper's Kiss I've really had to think about how I wanted to write it and how I could make it 'not just any other ghost story'. Also, considering the fact that I adore romance and had to figure out a way to do that in a ghost story...

When I finally realized that this one was going to take work to complete, I made myself a goal. I knew that just plodding through was not giving me the thrust I needed to move forward so I told myself I was going to finish the rough draft by October 31. That's right, I gave myself until the end of the month to finish a targeted 70,000 word novel. Guess how many words I had completed at that time? Oh, about 18,000. Yeah. Guess how much I have completed since my 'promise'? Nearly 41,000 words! I'm quite pleased with myself, I must say.

Now, as I 'speed wrote' I kept wondering if all I was writing was crap, so I got some outside opinions. My normal writing partner and someone completely new. They've both read up to ch.6 and both have expressed their apologies for not finding MORE to critique! Now, either my writing has improved 100 fold or it sucks so bad that neither want to crush my dream by telling me that. I prefer to think it's the former, but the jury's still out on that. So, I thought maybe you could be the judge. I'm going to post an excerpt of the first few pages of Reaper's Kiss and you tell me if you think it's engaging. Hmm? Alrighty then, here goes...

EXCERPT:

My body thrashed under the zap of the paramedic’s paddles.

The EMT raised a hand to my neck, searching for a pulse. “Raise it to three hundred. Clear.” 

Another violent flail rocked through my form which lay motionless on the hard, cold pavement.

“We’ve got a pulse. Let’s get her in the rig.”
 
I stood paralyzed on the shoulder of the road watching as a second paramedic rushed over with a stretcher. The sound of the wheels clattering on the uneven pavement grated in my ears. Fat flakes fluttered softly to the ground, dusting the pavement with a thin white layer, hiding any trace of the black ice below. One EMT grabbed my shoulders and the other took my feet, lifting me effortlessly onto the tiny bed. My wavy strawberry-blonde hair fanned over the crisp white sheets. Blood splattered on my pale face and clothing reflected eerily in the flashing red lights. I glanced down at myself, not a single tear or drop of blood anywhere. From what I could tell, I looked completely normal. Maybe I was dreaming. Had to be, there was no way this was really happening.

The two men retracted the wheels on the stretcher and pushed me inside the ambulance. One jumped in beside me, all the while compressing a bulb and forcing air into my lungs. My body’s chest rose and fell to the rhythm of his squeezing. The other EMT closed the door, ran to the front and drove the ambulance away. Its siren blared, disrupting the silence of the dark night. The twirling lights faded into the chilly black night.

I turned and looked toward my car. I’d begged my dad for a month to buy me that car. A totally cute VW Bug — yellow. I’d been so excited the day he finally caved.

“Okay, close your eyes.” Dad grinned mischievously.

“Dad! I already know what it is. I don’t have to close my eyes.”

“Just humor your old man, okay? Now come on.”

I laughed. “Fine. Lead the way.”

He grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me down the steps to the driveway.

“All right. Open them.”

I did and the sight left me giddy. My perfect, sweet, adorable, little, yellow Bug sat in our driveway, complete with a big red bow on top. I squealed and jumped up and down. “Thank you so much, Daddy!” Yes, I called him daddy and I wasn’t ashamed.

He smiled and caught me as I leapt into his arms, hugging him tightly. “Of course, honey.”

With a quick peck on the cheek, I bounded over to my new prize. I giggled, running my hand along the slick top, imagining all the jealous stares I’d receive at school on Monday.

Looking at it now, it didn’t seem like the same vehicle. What was left of the passenger side now sat in the driver’s seat. The rest littered the ground which surrounded a large Maple tree. The once beautiful yellow frame wrapped around the tree like a perfect metal scarf. Broken shards of glass covered the immediate vicinity while fluids from the engine leaked onto the pavement.

“Sweet wreck,” said a deep voice behind me.

Startled, I jumped and whirled around. Literally, the yummiest guy I’d ever seen stood in front of me. Of course, maybe my opinion on yumminess was a bit skewed since I went to an all-girls school. Only during our annual co-ed dance with the neighboring boy’s academy was I ever afforded the pleasure of cavorting with boys my age.

My mouth dropped open as I took him in. He towered over me, at least six one or two.  His dark, almost-black hair was on the long side and cut in that ‘I need a hair-cut but am too lazy to get one’ way. The ends flipped out slightly just behind his ears and at back of his neck, giving him that cute sort of unkempt look.

“Who are you?” I asked after I managed to close my mouth, and swallow the drool that would inevitably start to flow if I allowed another moment of gawking.

“Mason.” He walked forward, all the while checking a small notebook he held in his left hand. “You must be Zoe.” His deep chocolate-brown eyes stared right through me. A thin white scar peeked out from underneath the hair that hung over his forehead.

“Yeah, how do you know my name?”
 
He looked up, his eyebrows raised. “You’re on my list.”
    
“List? What list?”
    
He lowered his hands to his sides and continued to look directly at me. “The dead list. You’re dead. I’m here to collect you.” He turned and started walking away. “We should get going.”

“What? I’m dead? No, I’m not.”

He stopped abruptly and pivoted on one heel, not moving any other part of his body. “Are you serious?”

I nodded my head; the sting of what would be tears burned my eyes.
    
He walked slowly back to me, placed his hands on my shoulders, and turned me back to my wrecked Bug. “You think you survived that? Didn’t you wonder why you were watching them collect your body? You’re dead.”
    
I shook my head and whipped back around, finding his face within inches of mine. I took a deep breath. “No, I’m not. They said I had a pulse.”
    
He chuckled. “Yeah, well, a pulse doesn’t mean much when your soul’s out here. The body can’t survive long without one.”
    
“You mean if I get back into my body I won’t die?”
    
“No, it doesn’t work like that —”
    
“But you just said —” I pulled away from him and took off down the street. “I need to get to the hospital.”
    
“Zoe!” I heard him call, but didn’t turn back or answer.
     
I couldn’t die, I was only sixteen — and dad, he needed me. After mom died, I was all he had left.
    
After just a few seconds, I realized I was outside the hospital. How did I get there so fast?
    
“You’re a spirit, you don’t need to run.” Mason stood next to me, apparently a mind reader. “You can just think of where you want to go and you’re there.”
    
I scowled at him. “Why are you following me? I’m not going to go with you, so leave me alone.”
    
“I can’t leave you alone. I’m supposed to bring you back. I not supposed to move on until I deliver you.”
    
“Well, too bad, I’m not going. Explain that to your boss or whatever.” I started toward the front doors.
    
“Fine, but you’re not going to like what you see.” Mason followed behind. “Why are red-heads always the hardest?” he muttered.
    
“My hair’s strawberry-blond, not red,” I called over my shoulder.
    
“Same difference.”
    
When we reached the automatic doors, they remained shut even though I stood firmly on the sensor. “What the —”
    
“You don’t weigh anything, they won’t work for you.”
     
I glared up at him. “You’re really annoying, you know that?”
    
He grinned and nearly shattered any irritation I felt toward him. “So I’ve been told.”
    
I swallowed hard, trying to clear the image of his breathtaking smile from my mind. “I’ll make you a deal. You help me, and if I’m really a lost cause I’ll come with you, no screwing around. Okay?”
    
He studied me for a moment. “Fine, but you need to swear.”
    
“What?”
    
“Swear, and then shake on it.” He held out his hand.
    
Even though I had no heart to speak of, I could have sworn I felt it thud in my chest. I sighed and took his hand. “Fine, I swear.”   It was warm and just the right amount of roughness — not what I expected from death himself — if that’s what he was. Actually, I’m not sure what I expected. Maybe ice-cold and clammy — but it’s not like he was a vampire or anything so that seemed kind of stupid.
    
He pulled his hand from my grasp. “So, what is it you want me to do?”
    
“Help me get back into my body.”
    
He scowled. “I told you it doesn’t work that way. Once you’re on my list, you’re on my list.”
    
“Did anyone ever tell you you’re a real pessimist?”
    
“A time or two.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced down the street. “Look, I know this can be confusing and all, but I’m on a schedule here. The dead tend to wander — as you can probably tell.” He gestured to me.
    
“I told you I’m not dead. I just astral projected or something. Just go, okay? I don’t need your help anyway. Besides, I’m telling you this is a mistake.”
    
He stared into my eyes, his own cold and distant. “We don’t make mistakes.” And with that, he faded out of sight.

You know what I'm talking about. Those books you can't put down but want to because you don't want it to end. I'm reading on of those books right now. Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. Seriously, it's beautiful. Then again, I'm a total sucker for romance -- and tortured/star-crossed romance at that. I'm only about half way through and already my heart is aching for how it may end. I don't want it to be sad, but the whole freaking book is somewhat sad so I am so scared to finish it!

As much as I want this book to end happily (which I fear it doesn't since there is a sequel coming out!), I am absolutely loving the emotional roller coaster it's putting me through. Gosh, I love that. I love feeling unsure and insecure and those inklings of first love I had long ago. There is nothing more sweet and addictive than first love. I swear it's true. I love the raw, undying feelings that go along with it. I love the yearning and pain and can't-live-without-you. This is why I write YA. This is why I read it. There are many adult novels I've read and enjoyed, but none have ever really touched me like many of the YA novels can.

Maybe I'm just young at heart but I just looooooooooooove stories about first love. But I don't really like unhappy endings. I don't care if you torture them, get them together then pull them apart. But I really like an untimately happy ending. Maybe I should challenge myself to write an unhappy ending in one of my novels. That would be hard for me. Hmm...sounds like a plan!

Boy, have I been a slacker with this journal. I apologize for my lack of posting, but I've actually been writing! Yep, you heard right! Writing!

After working tirelessly on a revision of Mythic's beginning (after some wonderful agent feedback) over the last few weeks, I've finally gotten back to my work in progress. In order to get myself out of my self imposed "writing slump" I gave myself a deadline. My goal is to have a complete rough draft of Reaper's Kiss complete by the end of October. Then in November, I'm going to let that simmer for a bit and work on my next novel Shade. I'm kidding myself if I think I'll never pick up Reaper's Kiss and start revisions while working on Shade. I'm sure I will. It's just that, I want to give my brain a rest from that world and those characters before starting serious revisions. I always had better success with revisions on Mythic when I'd just let it sit for awhile, then come back to it.

I actually have ideas for six books started. One of course is the sequel to Mythic. I'm still afraid to really get into it yet. I want to write it, I really do. I miss Mythic's world and its characters, but I really felt like I needed a few other "worlds" in my back pocket. Something else I could offer if it came down to it. No matter what happens, I think I'll write the sequel. I want to know what happens once I do the things I have planned to my hero. Oh, the fun! Hmm, maybe after Shade I'll schedule in the sequel (working name Origin).

In some other non-writing news. I sent my boys to school last week. :( We homeschooled last year and really had a good time, but it just felt like time to go back to PS. I like the freedom to write everyday, but I miss those little buggers. I don't really know if I miss homeschool or not yet. I liked it, especially learning a lot of the history (Ancient Egypt was by FAR my favorite! -- maybe I should write a novel based on Ancient Egypt? Hmm...). But, it sure is nice to write without distraction.

Also, my hubby may find out whether or not he got into Officer's Training School this week. The process is almost as stressful as the road to publishing! He's a fantastic worker and everyone he's worked with has praised him. Unfortunately all the OTS board sees is a packet of papers to represent him (kinda like querying!!). Last year his application was rejected on a technicality. He'd received a reenlistment bonus when he'd reenlisted, and they rejected anyone who had. I'm hoping this year will be different. So, please, keep your fingers crossed for him! He'd be a good officer. Though it would be weird to call and ask for Lt. instead of Sgt!

Oh! Have I mentioned lately how much the show Supernatural rocks? Seriously, I love it so much! They had a deal on Amazon about a month ago and I got all four seasons currently available for under $100! I snatched those puppies up like nobody's business. My son and I have been enjoying a bit of Sam and Dean daily. Honestly, I could rewatch each episode like 100 times and still love it. My favorite is The Mystery Spot eposide. That one's the best! If you haven't watched the show and love the paranormal, I definitely recommend it! Sometimes it's scary, sometimes funny. In fact...maybe I'll go watch an episode right now!

Non-response. Any writer who has ever sent a query knows how frustrating it is when you don't receive a response. Sometimes you hit such a dry spell that even a rejection is welcome! Just something to acknowledge that your query did arrive, it was read and the agent is not interested.

I see many many MANY complaints about this and I have been guilty of complaining myself. But the more I read agent blogs the more I understand the reasoning behind it. Don't get me wrong, I would MUCH rather hear a no than nothing at all, but after a recent post by slush reader Jodi Meadows, I can totally see the merit behind moving to no response.

I mean, seriously people, is that really necessary? I would never in a million years think to email an agent back and be all snarky with them over their rejection. Why in the world do people do this? Don't they understand that a rejection isn't a personal attack on you? It simply says that the agent is not interested in the work you have presented them. We all know that this business is subjective. Just because an agent says they love and represent paranormal romance, doesn't mean they necessarily will love one about a rotting zombie getting busy with a high school sophomore. (ew! See, zombies aren't my thing. I don't feel compelled to read any book about them either. That's just my personal opinion.)

I've had a couple rejections that actually stated the reason for the rejection was that they weren't fans of angels. Does that mean my writing sucked? No. Does that mean they wouldn't be interested in my work if there hadn't been angels? No. It just means, they aren't fans of the subject matter. It has no reflection on me as a writer or my novel. It just isn't right for them. And that's okay.

I have my own personal preferences, for example, as I mentioned above, I'm not interested in zombies. Nor am I interested in any type of space oriented sci-fi. That's just me, just my tastes. Now if I were an agent this is what my preference list would look like:

Amanda has a special love of most things YA and paranormal: vamps, shifters, witches, ghosts, angels and demons -- bring 'em on. However, if your novel includes brain eating zombies or any other type of cannibalism, your project is not right for her. She is also a sucker for romance. Add that to a paranormal element and you may have a winner!

Or at least that's what I dream it would look like. ;) The whole point behind this post is just to say, Dude, suck it up, a no means no. There is no need to email back with an argument or asking for reasons why. Does it really matter? That no is not going to turn to a yes if you ask. It just gets your name put on that agent's blacklist forever. Is that the intention? If it is, by all means, send that follow up email. But if you'd actually like to find an agent and have a writing career in your future, file the rejection away and move on. Seriously. It's people like you who have turned many agents to the non-response feature we all dislike. My advice? Take a deep breath, push your frustration down and walk away from the send button, seriously...do it now...baby steps...and repeat after me...I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful...rinse and repeat...

Sorry I've been MIA this week. I was kind of having myself a little pity party.

After receiving a WONDERFULLY insightful rejection this week I had to decide what to do with the gift of personal feedback the agent took the time to give me. It wasn't something I wanted to hear, I have to admit, but after the day or so it took to swallow my pride, I was able to take the words to heart. It wasn't easy for me, but anonymous agent was right.

After my wounded ego scabbed over I went to work and revised the first three chapters of Mythic. I completely lost the whole first chapter and started with the last half of the second, then added some 'action', and you know what? I think I've got a real solid beginning! Something that will immediately draw the reader in and leave them thirsting for more.

My only regret is that no one told me sooner. I wish I could rewind time already knowing the problem and having fixed it earlier, but since there's no use crying over something I can't change, I'll just move forward and hope for the best from now on. I wish there was a way I could let that agent know how thankful I am for her time and for her honesty. Maybe she'll stumble upon this blog someday, who knows. So just in case, THANK YOU! Your comment may have made a world of difference to me, I only wish I had a second chance with you. If things don't work out this time, you are definitely on the top of my list to query with my next project! XOXO!

Me too. ;)

Your were right Lizzerbear, I do love Peeta. *sigh*

Last night I finished Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games. I read voraciously to the end, so excited and happy for how things happened. And shame on me, I did fall for Peeta. Sweet, lovable Peeta. I was a bit perturbed with Katniss for not understanding that he wasn't pretending, but whatever. Hopefully she'll get her act together in the next two books. Which by the way, I am out to procure (the second anyway) after my daughter wakes up from her nap. I'm not sure I'll be able to put it down though so say a little prayer for my self control. I've read a few excerpts on Amazon and I'm not sure I'll like where this is going...hmmm. I hope the series ends the way I want!!! WAH!

Okay, enough HUnger Games for now. I have some wonderfully awesome, fantastical news! My muse has not forsaken me! That's right, you heard it here first! She has returned, and brought with her a whole boatload of ideas for my second novel. Which I have changed the name of from Snatched to Reaper's Kiss. Who knows if that will ultimately stick, but for now I like it. :) I've written a couple thousand words since yesterday -- this inbetween homeschooling and kid watching.

Right now, all I want to do is write (and read Catching Fire)but we still have Science to do (it's recess time and yes, teacher gets a break too!). I could be writing right now, but I fear once I start I won't be able to stop! I wrote 1500 words this morning alone and more is coming. Flooding to the surface like a flash flood (although that usually comes from rain, but this is my imagination so I'll have it come from below. :) ). Unfortunaletly what's in my mind is the ending, not the middle where I am currently stuck. So here i go, writing the end before I get past the hump. That's okay though because I know what direction to take my characters now. I'm so excited! I can't wait to finish this novel and see how my characters get to where I'm ending! Oh, did I mention I am seat-of-my-pants writer? Yeah, I am. So today, my pants are on FIRE, and I intend to use every last flame.

A few blog posts got me thinking about 'The One'. We've all heard the saying. But what is 'The One'? Well, in relationships it's the one person you are meant to be with. You spend years of your life looking and waiting for just the right guy or girl to come along. You think maybe you'll feel it in your gut the moment they cross your path. Most of us live in reality and know that isn't quite how it happens, but I truly believe that, even though it isn't always instantaneous, there is someone out there who is 'The One' for us. I believe the same thing is true with the never ending road to publication.

The first step is, of course, writing that elusive manuscript. You take delicate care to write, edit, read, edit, write some more, revise again, and again, and again, then you find some people to read it, revise again, read, revise, revise, revise. Until finally, your baby is as clean as you can make it. Once this happens you read it again (and again) -- I'm serious, you'll keep reading and searching for any little fault or mistake, we all do it and you know it.

Once you feel like there is nothing more you can do, you prepare your query letter. And as with your novel, you write, revise, revise, etc...until you have that the best you can make it. If you're anything like me you'll then sit in front of your computer wondering if you've temporarily gone insane for even considering sending a query. Then, with quaking hands you push send. Your heart thumps against your chest so hard you fear it may burst through, but you go ahead and prepare another, hit send, another, hit send, another hit send. You want to keep going but you know you need to take it slow, get a reaction on your query, just in case it needs some tweaking. If it does, you revise, revise, revise...did I mention revise? ;)

Once your letters are circulating, you sit on pins and needles waiting and obsessively checking your email (or mailbox) for some word, ANY word. Something to prove to yourself that writing that story and sending those queries wasn't a dream. Then the first comes -- rejection. *Sigh*. Well, maybe the next one will be a request? Five more - rejections. DANG IT! You start feeling like maybe it was a mistake, maybe your story sucks, maybe your writing sucks, maybe your query sucks...something MUST suck to be getting all these rejections!

Just when you start questioning your sanity again, another reply arrives in your inbox. You sit and stare at it, not wanting to open it and feel the sting of rejection again, but what if? Very slowly you click open, closing your eyes briefly as if that may lessen the rejection risk. You peek through slits in your lids and to your surprise find this 'I would be happy to review your story. Please send the first...' Your heart races 100 miles a minute and jumps up into your throat. You don't know what to do, or what to say so you laugh and sit there staring at the email, reading over and over the words you'd longed to see for so long.

Receiving a request is definitely a major high. But what if that partial request turns to a full request and then an offer? I haven't been lucky enough to have that happen yet (fingers crossed), but when it does (I'm being optimistic here!!) how will I know if that agent is 'The One'. How will I know if he or she will be the perfect one for my baby? Well, here's a few things I have in mind that would let me know.

1. The agent loves the story right away. He/she feels excited and passionate about the story as a whole, characters, setting, plot.

2. He/She shares my vision. His/her goals are the same as mine.

3. He/She doesn't request MAJOR changes to the story. That does NOT mean I won't be willing to edit or change some things to allow for better understanding/flow. I will absolutely do that! What I don't want is someone to come back and say "Love the story, but don't like the romance, how about we make them enemies that fight to the death instead?'

Something that would end up changing the entire dynamic of the story, I guess I'm not willing to do. I can work with someone to make this piece the best it can be, but I don't want to change anything so significantly that it changes the whole feel or plotline. Maybe that's a bad way to look at it, but I guess I feel like, maybe the agent who wants huge changes ISN'T 'The One', for this novel.

Most of us, authors feel like we aren't in a position to be picky, because maybe we won't get an agent if we are. My question is, what is your goal then? Is it just to be published? Get your name out there? Or is your goal to get this story, the one you've worked so hard on for months or maybe even years, into the hands of the public? TO share your story and your characters with others who may enjoy them as much as you? Did you write this novel to sell it? Or did you write it because you HAD to?

For me, I wrote it because I HAD to. Noelle and Cameron would not shut up until I got their story down on paper (well screen). I wrote a story I would like to read, and you know what? I DO read it. I've read it over and over and it never gets old (to me at least!). I love all my characters (even the bad ones). I want to live in their world and experience their story through them. I guess if I'm the only one who gets to enjoy living with them, then I guess that's the way it was meant to be. But, I'm not ready to think that way. I really think the right agent is out there. Maybe he/she is reading right now and loving it, or maybe he/she hasn't received my query yet. Either way, I'm still clinging to the hope that someone WILL infact love Noelle and Cameron as much as I do and will want to champion it with passion. I don't want to accept less than that -- and neither should you.

That's right it's Thursday again! And that means more Dean, Sam, Stefan and Damon *swoon*. Yum-o. Amazon.com recently had a sale on the seasons of Supernatural and I got all 4 for under $100! Yes, that's less than $20 a piece -- for a SEASON! I'm so stoked! I've been rehashing the first season this week and I have to say, I think I love it more now that I did the first time I saw it. But, paranormal stuff is totally my thing. If it's got vamps, shifters, or ghosts and demons of any kind, I'm your girl.

However, I'm not a big fan of horror flicks. Go figure. Most of the time the movies just seem stupid to me. The shows (Supernatural, Buffy, Angel, etc..) are fun and have a humorous tone to them along with all the seriousness of the subject. I like that. Since i write in the paranormal vein, these shows all give me inspiration in my writing as well.

I've been working exclusively on my next novel SNATCHED. It centers around a neat idea -- one I haven't read yet (though I thought the same about MYTHIC and my take on the angels, but it seems angels are the new vamps, who knew?). My biggest problem so far has been how to get from point A to point B. I know how it begins and how it ends, but how do they get from one point to the other? This is a first for me because with MYTHIC, the whole story was right there. Sure there were a few sticky spots where I thought 'how the neck do I get from here to there?', but at least I had the next small hurdle. With SNATCHED I'm having a harder time with that. I don't know why. I wish I could pinpoint the problem and get over it but I don't seem to be able to. I've taken breaks, worked on other stuff, but still I can't find the problem.

Regardless, I'm going to keep plugging away, hopefully my Muse will perk back up and whisper a few ideas my way. Let's hope!

I must express how much I LOVE the auto-response feature! As any writer who has ever sent a query will testify, no response is absolutely the worst feeling ever. You continuously wonder if it means your query has been rejected or if it was somehow misdirected into the precipice of lost queries. Let's face it, chances are good for either one. If I don't get a response, normally I assume it's a no, but what if it's not a no? What if just didn't get there?

There's no way to know, and since we're not supposed to 'check up', we sit and wonder. Well, today, I sent a query and immediately got an auto-response to the tune of 'we got your query. If we don't respond withing XXX amount of time, consider us not a good match.' To me, this makes the prospect of a non-response much more bearable. I don't have to sit around and wonder if my query is lost in cyberspace. I know it got there, and if I get no response, it means no. This makes me a happy camper (not getting a no, just the fact that I don't have to wonder what silence means.). I wish all agencies employed this feature. It would make things so much less intimidating to us writers.

Anyone else agree with me that an auto-response feature would be heaven to the query process? I thought so.

So, on to another topic. Last time I mentioned my extreme geekiness of all things paranormal. That does not extend only to television (which I must say, Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries ROCKED last thursday!!), but to fiction as well. I'm especially stoked with YA paranormal fiction. I love it, all of it. I am really smitten with novels that incorporate romance with its paranormal activity. I'm not a 'just paranormal' girl, I have to have romance. HAVE to. I like YA because the emotions are so RAW and new. It's exciting and wonderful. I'm looking for some new romantic/paranormal YA. Anyone have any suggestions? I've already read The Twilight Saga, The Mortal Instruments, The Immortals series, The House of Night Series, Kelley Armstrong's The Awakening and The Summoning, The Vampire Diaries, Evernight and Stargazer...hmm there are more but I can't think of them at the moment. Any other suggestions of must read romantic paranormal YA that I may not have heard of?

Okay, so if you haven't already guessed, I'm a geek. Now that we have that out of the way, I just have to express my my total excitement that it is Thursday! Why the excitement over such a mundane day? Well, tonight is the season premiere of one of my favorite shows -- Supernatural! EEK! I LOVE that show. I can't wait to get back in touch with my boys Dean and Sam. Apparently Lucifer is making his appearance tonight -- can't wait to see how they handle that!

Also, the series premiere of The Vampire Diaries is tonight too! I loved the first four books (the fifth was totally confusing) so I am excited to see how the CW handles it! So I have a super fun night planned!

On a sad note, Jenny Bent posted a call for interns/slush readers in which I would SO LOVE to do. I figured I was out of the game because she asked for a resume. I posted that I would love to do that but being a SAHM (stay at home mom) for the past ten years leaves my resume -- a little bare to say the least. Well, I was so caught up in my entry on Miss Snark's Secret Agent contest that I didn't check back on Jenny's blog yesterday. So I read today and she has closed submissions already. :( Oh well, I figure, I didn't have a chance anyway, then I read through the comments and see she commented back TO ME yesterday saying she is more than happy to receive applications from SAHM's and to email her. WAH! Why didn't I check back yesterday? Why oh why? I could have had a shot, even a slim one is a shot nonetheless. So now I'm sad over that. Man, I would so love to read slush. :(

Now, my excitement over my night planned is slightly dashed by my laziness of not checking the blog yesterday. What a downer. I'm not even sure chocolate will fix this -- well, maybe I should give it a shot just in case? ;)

I know he died a while ago now, but I still feel a twinge of sadness over his demise. I have always been a Michael Jackson fan. Man, that guy could move, and he sang with such passion. It always saddens me when people die young, and with someone as famous as Michael, it is just like a slap in the face.

I remember watching Thriller as a child and being completely in awe. Beat It, Bad, Billy Jean, and my all time favorite, Dirty Diana. I mean, seriously, can it get any better than Dirty Diana? I think not. I know that things in the recent years in his life seemed very strange, but that doesn't change the impact he had as an entertainer. That is how I will choose to remember him. Not as the guy who had tons of plastic surgery and seemed to be a major germaphob. Not the guy who appeared childish and who was accused of things I prefer not to mention. I don't presume to know what he was really like as a person, or if he did or didn't do the things he was accused of. All I know is that when I was a kid in the 80's, he was darn cool. That's how I want to remember him, and that's the MJ I'll miss.

Enjoy, my favorite MJ song.

So, I started reading this book a week or so ago. All through the first half I was sort of ho-hum about it. It wasn't bad, but it didn't have me hooked. But it was just one of those things that I figured 'well, maybe it'll get better'.

When I finally got the the ending chapters, we got a bit of action. I read greedily expecting answers to all my questions and just as the climax happened....end. No explanations, nothing. So what do I have to do now? I have to buy the second book to see what happens. So now, not only am I left unsatisfied and curious, I have to spend another ten bucks to find out the ending and reasons for things going on in the first book.

Please authors, please please please don't do this. Don't end your book with a cliff-hanger. I' m begging here. Give it a resolution of some sort. It's completely fine to have more to say in a sequel, in fact, if I love a book and it's characters I am darn well going to buy the sequel! I'm fully aware that this may be only my opinion, but honestly, I was so annoyed by this you wouldn't believe. I guess the author got what they wanted and sold another book (by the way, the second is better than the first, IMO).

I guess I'd hoped this series would turn out like another I read recently. At first I didn't care for the book either but after reading about half way through the book really took off and captured my attention. I'd hoped for this in this latest book, but it didn't really happen.